Beyond the Fringe !!

Fringe  /frɪndʒ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[frinj] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, fringed, fring‧ing.

–noun-
1. a decorative border of thread, cord, or the like, usually hanging loosely from a raveled edge or separate strip.

2. anything resembling or suggesting this: a fringe of grass around a swimming pool.

3. an outer edge; margin; periphery: on the fringe of the art world.

4. something regarded as peripheral, marginal, secondary, or extreme in relation to something else: the lunatic fringe of a strong political party.

5. Optics. one of the alternate light and dark bands produced by diffraction or interference.

This definition and various meanings of the word FRINGE jus complicate matters more.

When i heard about : BEYOND THE FRINGE, two thoughts came to my mind:

a. Either it has something to do with the mental hospital, where patients are BEYOND the FRINGE, ie. out of bounds, irrational, crazy, wierd or jus plain mad.

b. Or it has something to with that cute little fringe, which chicks have on their hair, u knw something lk the hanging hair on the forehead, somewhat like the yesteryears' Sadhana.

I was relieved, much to my chagrin, to find out that Beyond the Fringe was associated with the second (part B) of my thots.

In a moment of rare metrosexuality, I entered the beauty salon, Beyond the Fringe at Altamount Road. Regularly the domain of mom and Karishma, when it came to those parloury treatments which ladies are accustomed to, I was forced into submission to visit Beyond the Fringe (now BTF).

Alrite, so I admit, my soles and my fingers were maligned horribly and I looked like one of those junglee adivasis, if someone were to judge me frm my extremities.

Still, thats no reason for a GUY to visit a BEAUTY SALON. That, usually is reserved for the signoras, the ladies in my life.

Kari was pestering me to visit BTF since she became a fan of tht place, which is more than 2 years now. I obviously kept on avoiding it all the while, for numerous reasons, the plain one being i was embarassed.

Well, wot do ya expect?? Despite my well-maintained macho image (ok ok ..jus a little macho though), I decided to swallow the embarrasment and caved in to my sis' request.

I visited a BEAUTY SALON.

Shit, this is embarassing, heheee...

Now, I expected BTF to be this swarming place with sexy chicks and loud girly music, with loads of magazines on one table, and a mean Baawi aunty sitting at the manager's desk, making the chicks slave and paying zilch to them.

To an extent, this was true, except for the sexy chicks (of course..hehee. The Baawi aunty is the truth but..seriously..It was exactly as i had imagined.

Anyway, Kari had booked an appointment for me at 6 pm, so it was the perfect excuse to get off work earlier than usual. Trundling along, I reached the shining gates of BTF. Looked fantastic from the exterior. But, as wisdom prevailed, I thot it better not to judge, yet.

hmm..so..without my permission, payment towards my treatment was already done. All i had to do was jus grace them wid my presence..hahaa..easier said than done.
Man, I was embarrased pehle se...on top of that..women on the road wr staring at me as i was entering that place..felt damn guilty yaar..i thot i was performing a criminal act. Bloody hell !!

Andar aaya, found Kari and Ma there already, glowing frm their treatments. Kari had a wicked, triumphant grin on her face as i entered. Mom was perplexed noticing my expressions of disappointment (no sexy chicks naa..thts why !!) and the embarassment, which i was tryin to hide desperately. I mean, so what ??? Guys do this al da time..see Beckham, see Luis figo, see SRK...but i wasnt any of those yaaa...meri to fatti padi thi...

That Baawi aunty smiled warmly at me and showed me to the person who was gonna treat me ( I will call him Treater). Beknownst to me, I was booked for MANI-PEDI...shittttttt...ok guys..pls don judge me..and stop laughing !!! come onnnn!!!
My sister fooled me..i was told only somethng for my nails..which i keep biting constantly...I was duped...and this jus added to the embarrasment doubly.

Umesh was a fav amongst the ladies for this job..and dint flinch on operating upon a guy..bt i flinched...but to tell ya the truth..he did a fine job...heheee
We started by makin me sit into one of those big, comfy chairs, thankfully facing away frm the crowd and the mirror. Umesh examined my fingernails and gave me a killin look...like wotta perpetrator i am to bite my nails..He sensed a challenge, he liked it. I hated it.

He started filing those nails at first..and man..it hurt a bit..then u get used to it...my other hand was unceremoniously dumped in a bowl (sort of) of hot, soapy water, i guess to soften the nails. After filing them, he applied some cream and did the same wid the other hand, with the first hand in another hot, soapy bowl. This went on for a good 15 min. Finally, he started pluckin the crap outta my nails...near the crescent...o god!! save me..wot pain !! The result: shiny, half-eaten, human-like (now) fingernails.

All this while, my feet wr immersed into this vibrating tub of hot, soapy water. Umesh sighed as he took the feet, one by one, on the lap and started rubbing them with some sorta foot-spiky-thing...which looks like one those hand held oblong mirrors, except that there is hard cold steel there in the mirror's place. He went on rubbing with glee, cutting thru the fat layers of skin on my soles...It dint pain at all...probably cos of no place for nerves down there...wot with all the kachra !! hehee..
Then, toe nails. This one was relatively relaxing and easy. Dint even know wot happened.
Result: Shiny, not-at-all-eaten, human-like toenails.

Iona, this lady in green, happened to visit me while Umesh was doing me (pls dont misunderstand me here !!). Kari had pointed out my bald pate frm far and Iona had come to take a look. After finding it as not-so-horrible-as-Kari-had-explained, she suddenly instructed this fancy dude (who looked to me like Edward Scissorhands) to suddenly come and gimme a trim.... A TRIM !!!!! i dont have HAIR..dudeeeee..whr the hell is he gonna trim....wots he gonnna trim...shittttttt !!!!! She went so far as to suggest me to HIGHLIGHT my crown....wud u belive that>?? HIGHLIGHT ???? hahahahaaaa..that did it...i was storming wid fury inside..and gave Kari a contemptous look...as hard as i cud..o man !! she ran away out for some other work...leaving me at the mercy of those jackasses...by the way..she even made me purchase a Volume-builder shampoo-conditioner.

Anyway, Javed trimmed my hair..and to my irritation, GELLED them...i god !! baal nahi aur upar se gel..mummmmy...he tried his best to cover up the baldnesss...hey bhagwan..i gave up..and jus tried to relax myself...I dunno if u guys have heard this one: (though its cheap) When u know ur getting ****ed, rather sit back and enjoy !!
I did jus that...After that, nothng cud hurt me...I had turned into a GIRL, well..almost !!
Result: Shiny, round, gelled head with spikes with baldness concealed

Hmmm....after a relaxing massage on the feet and on the hands by Umesh...i got up jus in time to see Kari entering back into the parlour..and excitedly askin Umesh to finish everythng in a hurry...

So..1600 bucks lighter, feeling like a girl and a jackass...duped by my own troop...tipping those "guys" at the Salon...I finally squirmed myself out of BTF...wot an ordeal!!!...trust me...no hot-blooded guy shd go thru what i went thru.

Would u belive it..they expect me to come backkk...i mean...wotta nerve !!! rather unjudicious, I say !!

Kari had another surprise up her sleeve...and i was wary of her now..I cudnt bring myself to trust her anymore..not today atleast..

The day ended with a perfect note...I was the proud owner of the PSP...man..did i deserve tht or wot...I mean..what else cud make a guy feel more macho than a video game of cops in full pursuit of gangs...hahaaa..Kari gifted me the PlayStation Portable...one of ma dreams come true...its beautiful...and jus wot i wanted...really fantastic!!!!

Ohh..i frgot to mention one thing

My dad was blissfully unaware of all this..my appointment...my schedule..my ordeal..after telling him, so to make things as they were...he called me a WUSS and ended the nite.

Wall

Bombay dying !!!

BOMBAY DYING !!!

This has nothing to do with the dead company. The pun is intended.

I am a staunch Bombayiite (note - not Mumbaiite) sheltering myself inthe "town" part of good ol' Bombay, often ridiculed for wanting tostay back in town and not "shift" to the 'burbs, come what may. Andinspite of the residentialization of the rest of B'bay and withClass I amenities being provided to the rest of the Mumbaiites, Irefrain myself from even looking down upon them.

Anyway, I fail to comprehend why B'bay is being bombarded withsudden rules and regulations by the same politicians for whom wecast our votes. The "khaas" are turning against the "aam janta".It all started with the re-naming of Bombay to Mumbai, which led toeven more confusion in my teenage years. There were various otherthings to keep me occupied at that time, but this renaming ceremonyby some "religious" fanatics grabbed the attention of the teenagemind, which had, at that time, vowed to rename it back to Bombay,juvenile that it was. I still harbour those thoughts of somehowconvincing our dear members of the State Parliament to "re-rename"my city.I entered JaiHind college and thoughts of conquesting the Parliamenttook a convincing and convenient backseat. I focused my attentionelsewhere with the thoughts, for instance - "Charity begins at Home"and many more. Not that i surpassed myself in education (I stillcall myself an above-average student) during those formative years,but I fell into some really bad company, which pitfalled my secondambition of becoming a "healer" (I jus love that word, sounds somuch more cooler than doctor). I cannot really blame my pals thattime, because I got a little carried away. But Good ol' God was watching me and inferred I deserved another chance.MH-CET - for many it might be an evil, but for me, (and people like me)it was a Godsend. This was another variation, which shook thepillars of the education system of our State. HSC results took anosedive and students and colleges now looked forward to the CETresults. Little did they know (they includes ME too), how costlythis decision by the Governance would be, in terms of not onlymoney, but also time. HSC lost its power. Students were no more inawe of the State Toppers, but were more in awe of the CET Toppers,because thats what mattered now. One more dent to the spirit ofBombay. One more nail on the coffin. The current crop of teachersand students are rooting to revert back to the old system. Afterall, a student who slogs throughout the year studying forthe HSC, but unfortunately, cannot score in the CET (since themuggers haven’t been taught to apply what they have been taught), isbound to suffer from the fallacies of the system.That apart, I managed to get admission into one of the premierinstitutes in our country, and probably our continent, thanks tothat guy who gave up his seat only to secure admission into amedical college (that too by political pressure). I doff my hat tohim. Thank you again stranger. (It's not Salil I am talkingabout).

Since then, not much has changed, except for the beautification ofour vibrant city. 55 flyovers in a span of 5 years and at least 10multiplexes (with 23 more expected in New Bombay alone - would youbelieve that ??????) adorning the cityscape. There was a period ofconfusion within the government, because they were doing good work.There was a cleanliness drive inititated by our Famous Cultureminister, Pramod Navalkar, of that time. BMC had gone berserk,giving permission to every Tommy, Dick and Hariharan to buildflyovers along the arteries of the city. Protest galore by theresidents fell on deaf ears, and the city was witness to the zeal ofthe contruction powerhouses. Not only flyovers, new buildings, newtownships, new entertainment complexes and so on mushroomedthoughout the city. Suddenly, Crossroads was the "IN" place to "BE".I had attended one of the days during the month-long openingceremony of the First Mall of Mumbai. I was surprised to find myschool principal , Mrs. Shirley D'Silva in Ofran, with her husbandin tow. Poor guy, I felt kinda Bad for him. Audi or Toyota se petnahi bhara, Madam shopped for more than 2 lacs that nite. Wot afield day she must have had. The point I am trying to make is "therich bourgeouis class was slowly opening upto the commoners". Thosewho were considered "out of reach" were now withing spittingdistance. In fact, on that nite, I had the opportunity to ogle atsome of the best bodies in show-biz (Basu, Dino morea, ArjunRampal, Mehr Jessia, my principal(hehehe) and many more).

Enough of the past, now Back to The Future.Bombay (I will always call it that- let them stone my house orblacken my Maharaj's face) hadn't seen so many activities since the17th century when the whole island of Bombay was gifted by the Kingof Portugal, as a wedding gift to his daughter (I swear).Young politicians are now on the mantle manning the posts once heldby their fathers, in fact they were voted into power by the citizens.Now, these very guardians of our interests are turning their back tothe culture of this city, for which it has been renowned since timeimmemorial.
Let me unfold some recent events :-
- Deadlines for pubs and bars and lounges (not beyond 1...thoughsome maal-pani could ensure beyond)
- Closure of dance bars by government (which led to protests, noneby social activists though- those girls have actually startedoperating sex bars on the outskirts of the city)
- Rape of a teenage girl by a police hawaldar at marine drive chowky(the legal eagles- the direct result of the above mentionedregulations)
- Hawkers removed from the sea facing promenade at Nariman Point(where will all us kids go yaar ?)
- Nana-Nani Park planning to be used as a storage ground for statuesof national (irrational) leaders
- The last one which i am mentioning, which actually prompted me towrite this blog, was the removal of the book-sellers along thefootpath leading from VT (not CST) station to Churchgate. CAN UBELIEVE THE GALL THESE GUYS HAVE ???????? I mean, that’s the limit.All the above would have been unnoticed or even shooed away as aresult of bad governance. But THIS....This is absolutelyunpardonable. The books these guys sell will probably not bavailable anywhere else in the world, at unmentionably low prices.The bargains we struck were what dreams were made of.
I bid aterribly sad farewell to the dear hawkers, who in spite of beingnasty to most, were doing for a good cause.

Is this the beginning of THE END ?

Is Bombay Dying ?

I would like toend with this rhetoric....think about it.

Let me know ur comments.

The Wall